Thursday, February 16, 2012

Birth day eve

Tonight is the eve of the birth of my 4th child. In just a few short hours I will be holding this precious newborn baby boy in my arms. I am full of mixed emotions. I am SO excited to meet him, to snuggle him, to examine his precious little newborn body. But how I will miss his little in-utero kicks, wiggles and hiccups. Part of me is anxious to have him out of my uterus where I almost lost my last baby but at the same time I love being pregnant! I'm preparing my mind that this may be our last child, my last pregnancy and that is sad for me. I am grateful to have 3 (almost 4) healthy children in our family but knowing it may not even be an option to grow our family again through birth brings tears to my eyes. I have so so much to be grateful for but to be totally honest I am mourning this stage of my life, the sweet sweet stage of pregnancy. What an amazing experience. What a unique design of God. I am overwhelmed by the immense outpouring of love and prayerful support I've received during this pregnancy and especially going in to tomorrow. I've felt at a loss for words in my own prayers and so appreciate those interceding on my behalf. I don't even really know what to pray for - a healthy baby, my uterus not to rupture again, everything to go smoothly, an alive baby, protection over everything, peace... I keep coming back to peace and thanksgiving. I know this experience is in God's hands. I know the each tiny little detail has been orchestrated by Him and although I find myself in moments of dread and anxiety, they are fleeting (probably thanks to your prayers) and I know that regardless of the outcome I am (and the baby is) safely in the arms of our Heavenly Father. So as I lie here rambling on these computer keys, pretty sure I'm not going to sleep tonight, I am enjoying these last precious moments of pregnancy. These intimate moments with my little boy. I am so thankful for this journey and the opportunity to carry another child in my womb, an experience that most women with my medical history do not have the privilege to do. I'm going to try to sleep now, or at least lie holding my "big old belly" (which my kids lovingly call it). :)


Amanda said...

I hope everything goes well for you, and that you and baby are safe! We have four too. Even though I don't have your same medical history, I know what you mean about mourning the "end of pregnancy." Especially, when it is probably your last child. Can't wait to see pictures!!

Chloe @ A Creative Call said...

Can't wait to see pictures. Praying for you today.