Thursday, February 16, 2012

Birth day eve

Tonight is the eve of the birth of my 4th child. In just a few short hours I will be holding this precious newborn baby boy in my arms. I am full of mixed emotions. I am SO excited to meet him, to snuggle him, to examine his precious little newborn body. But how I will miss his little in-utero kicks, wiggles and hiccups. Part of me is anxious to have him out of my uterus where I almost lost my last baby but at the same time I love being pregnant! I'm preparing my mind that this may be our last child, my last pregnancy and that is sad for me. I am grateful to have 3 (almost 4) healthy children in our family but knowing it may not even be an option to grow our family again through birth brings tears to my eyes. I have so so much to be grateful for but to be totally honest I am mourning this stage of my life, the sweet sweet stage of pregnancy. What an amazing experience. What a unique design of God. I am overwhelmed by the immense outpouring of love and prayerful support I've received during this pregnancy and especially going in to tomorrow. I've felt at a loss for words in my own prayers and so appreciate those interceding on my behalf. I don't even really know what to pray for - a healthy baby, my uterus not to rupture again, everything to go smoothly, an alive baby, protection over everything, peace... I keep coming back to peace and thanksgiving. I know this experience is in God's hands. I know the each tiny little detail has been orchestrated by Him and although I find myself in moments of dread and anxiety, they are fleeting (probably thanks to your prayers) and I know that regardless of the outcome I am (and the baby is) safely in the arms of our Heavenly Father. So as I lie here rambling on these computer keys, pretty sure I'm not going to sleep tonight, I am enjoying these last precious moments of pregnancy. These intimate moments with my little boy. I am so thankful for this journey and the opportunity to carry another child in my womb, an experience that most women with my medical history do not have the privilege to do. I'm going to try to sleep now, or at least lie holding my "big old belly" (which my kids lovingly call it). :)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Tracy the Preschool Dog

We took care of the preschool pet Tracy the past couple days. At the end of our time with her the kids wanted to do a photoshoot with her. I love these pictures because they are so my life!

Monday, February 6, 2012

wordy snap shot of our life right now

I've been horrible at blogging lately but I realized I've just got to take the time to sit down and document a few darling things before I forget! I've got to let go of my desire to have a perfect picture and a thoughtful post. This blog is just for historical documentation!

ENDER UPDATE - 16 months
Ender's language has just exploded in the past weeks. He'll mimic almost any word that is spoken to him and he says them very clearly. Words he uses on his own regularly include (but I'm sure are not limited to, cause it's hard to remember them all):
"help me"
dat ma (Batman)
Nana (he says all other grandparent names when asked)
bop (book)
nigh nigh (night night)
orange (I can't even try to spell it how he actually speaks it, it's so cute) and by "orange" I really
mean clementine, he could eat a whole package
thank you
touch down (after throwing a ball on the ground)
uh oh

Ender loves anything that his brother and dad are into. He's happiest with sitting in his kid recliner holding a wii mote in one hand and a remote in the other. He knows the "toy" remotes don't work and doesn't care a thing about them. He also likes to go "bye bye". He'll ask to put on his coat or his shoes and then will wave and say "bye bye" while walking away (or what he's doing as I type this, saying bye while carrying away a big package of toilet paper). He also dances with his "happy feet" (I remember Emmett doing this too). Another favorite dance move is to spin around with his left hand leading the way. Ender adores his blanket and pacifiers. He pretends to be a doc by crawling around on the ground, panting and barking. He loves to help me wash the floor, vacuum...whatever I'm doing he's right behind me trying to do it on his own. Ender is a little "Snuggle Puppy". He loves to give hugs, kisses, be snuggled and will climb right into your lap with a story book. He's always the one not crying at childcare, even if all the other kids are crying. He does shed a tear or two when he's first dropped off, at least he did for a few weeks. Ender is an absolute joy. In all honesty, he's 90% joy and then the other 10% consists of massive trantrums when he doesn't get his way (has the DS taken away) and Terradactyl shrieks. At least we know he's human :).

EMMETT UPDATE - 5 years old
Emmett is enjoying preschool and we only get positive feedback from his teachers (so far!). He is also a Sparky in the AWANA program which is the absolute highlight of his week. He loves the scripture memorization but most of all he loves that daddy is his teacher! Sunday school teachers, AWANA teachers and preschool teachers are amazed by what he knows. Most recently they asked the class "what are disciples" and he was able to tell them "followers of Jesus." He is very helpful with the younger kids and is very thoughtful and working on being grateful for what he has. It's very sweet cause when he's human selfishness sneaks through, he's often quick to correct himself and say "I'll be grateful for what I have." Typical of the first born, he does tend to get frustrated when other kids don't "get it" or don't want to play the way he has in mind (he may have gotten this from me!). As I think about kindergarten next year I see how he will LOVE it and thrive in an environment where he's challenged and held to high standards. Selfishly however, I'll really miss having him around as he's the one organizing the kids in various activities and the only one who compliments my coloring and sandwich making abilities! Emmett adores his daddy and can't get enough time with him. They love playing video games, wrestling, watching movies, reading chapter books and exercising together. Emmett's other favorite person these days is his friend Aiden. They love playing together - Bakugans, shoots their bows and arrows, coming up with imaginative games. We recently went on a Mother-Son special outting (not a date, as Emmett likes to remind me he's not allowed to date till he's 16 or 18, I forgot) with Crystal and Aiden. We went to the Cinema Cafe and had a wonderful night together.

EISLEY UPDATE - 3 years old
Just a few months ago at her 3 year well child I expressed my concern to the doctor that her biting, scratching and tantrums were getting worse again after a few better months. It was a matter of days after that that her behavior improved and has been continuing in that direction. As I type this, she is sitting on the couch reading a book - wait no, actually scratching stickers off a book. I lovingly call her my little tornado cause she is very imaginative and creates quite a mess in her wake. All that being said, I've enjoyed seeing her come into her own more and more each day. She is a little mommy to her dolls and to Ender. She can play contently with her dolls for the longest time. I often find her talking to herself about her "sister" and what she and her sister are doing. She needs very little direction from me to play as her imagination carries her from one adventure to the next. Eisley loves to help Ender as well - carry him from place to place (she's got 5 lbs on him), help change his diaper, help undress him, help feed him... I am really looking forward to seeing her interactions with the newborn baby. While Emmett is at preschool I only have the 4 kids at home (Ender, Eisley and the 2 nanny kids). The 4 of them play so well together most of the time that I have often have the luxury of sitting at the computer and checking email, or doing the dishes, or even working on a quick sewing project.

BABY 4 UPDATE - 35 weeks pregnant
Baby still doesn't have a name, we've narrowed it to 2! C-section is scheduled for Friday Feb 17th! I am spinning with mixed emotions. I am a bit anxious to get him out safely, but also kinda dreading the lack of sleep and constant nursing. I'm excited to meet him and snuggle him but nervous for how the dynamics will change and how Ender will take the reduced attention. This pregnancy has been mostly great but I am starting to slow down - achey hips, sciatic pain - but at the same time this will likely be my last pregnancy and just the thought almost brings me to tears. I'm trying to enjoy every last minute of this pregnancy. Being pregnant is such a gift, such a special feeling and a blessing I never want to take for granted.

ME UPDATE - 35 weeks pregnant
So yes, I explained my mixed emotions as my pregnancy is coming to an end. I am LOVING life right now. Eric is an amazing husband and I feel so loved and blessed by my relationship with this Godly man. He is tender and lovingly firm with the children. He's helping out more around the house which I really appreciate (his own idea, which was brilliant, was that I fill the dishwasher throughout the day, I run it at night and the he empties it in the morning! Awesome!). He's so handsome and dresses really well too :). In the past few weeks I've been told "you really seem to have a good marriage, what's your secret?" I had to agree, we really do have a great marriage. It's been a strong 8 years. I know the next 8 may have more challenges but we're building a strong foundation and I can not believe how these 8 years have flown by! I have to be honest, the hardest part of my days is just balancing my attitude with my nanny kids. They are darling kids but very different from my own. I have to deal with issues (#2 in undies, wetting pants sporadically, children not speaking when spoken too...) I've never had to as a parent, only as a care giver and I don't have the same confidence or the basis of unconditional love to guide me in these decisions. I know it's my own deal and nothing wrong with the kids, but it's humbling to be so.... human?...that seems like the nicest way to say it! I see sides of myself and feel emotions that I don't like, that I know are human, but still I need to find a way to be a grown up! I know the Lord is the only hope I have in these relationships and I pray frequently throughout the day for both my parenting and my caregiving parenting. Random last thought, can I blame my irritability on pregnancy? Cause man am I irritable! I could do with out this!

Next time I post it may be with newborn pictures! CRAZY! Please be praying for this delivery. It is scheduled at the end of 36 weeks in hopes of picking the perfect date that 1) isn't too early so that the baby has complications but 2) not too late so that we risk uterine rupture again. I feel like I'm in good earthly hands but mostly I KNOW I'm in God's Hands and in that I find my peace.